I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
