He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
