Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
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Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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