just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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