My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
