i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
