Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
