it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
