I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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