chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
