so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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