there's paper in my vomit.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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