bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
