Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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