her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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