I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
