So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
