You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
