She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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