I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
