Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
