He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I could fuck to npr.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
