I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
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She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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