found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
