I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Houston, we have a blender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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