dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
