i need an iv and a liver transplant
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
