We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Quick, to the slutcave!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
