I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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