I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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