im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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