i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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