toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
