You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
