she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
