There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
