we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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