are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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