there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
where are you?
Hypothermia
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Mom said you looked used
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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