You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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