WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
