i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
