the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
