just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
