oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
