I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
