He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
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Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
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B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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