just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
