why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
