He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
