some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
