somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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