Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
