We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
