i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
