Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize