They should really pass out barf bags in church
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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