C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
