She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
