mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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