then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
soo... how was my night?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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