mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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