I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
